I always feel like I am in control of things.
That is, until God shakes me like I am a tantrumming toddler and reminds me that I can control nothing.
A year ago today, at about this very time, I was on my way to the doctor's office. I was scheduled for my 20 week ultrasound. I was 22 weeks along, but since I put off even GOING to the doctor for so long, I had to take what I could get in terms of ultrasound appointments.
It was no matter. I was fairly certain that I knew what I would see. After all, I had given birth to four sons. I had a pretty good track record of gestating boys. I had prayed for a girl, but I did not see that God would have any compelling reason to answer that prayer. After all, isn't that a selfish thing to pray for? Or silly? Or, even, insensitive?
So, I laid back on the table, with the REv. and my favorite cousin by my side and I giggled. I giggled that the tech was going to see a BIG baby, because this baby was busy.
Busy like a boy.
And then she asked me if I had had any other ultrasounds. And I quipped something about having one in 1999 with William. And then I looked at the screen.
Something was not right.
I could see the baby's heart beating, and then it looked like his HEAD had a heartbeat. The tech asked me if I knew what I was looking at.
I told her, "yeah, sure, a baby."
And then she told me what I was looking at. She pointed out what became obvious once I wrapped my brain around it. The baby's head did not have a heartbeat, the baby had a sibling in there with him!
I was carrying twins.
I was stunned.
The Rev. lost all color in his face.
Kristen began to laugh.
And then I asked if we could check the gender. That was what I came for in the first place, after all. The Rev. expressed that perhaps ONE was a girl. We learned that both were girls, and appeared to be very healthy.
In the year that has followed, our rough and tumble household has enjoyed the addition of pink, and softness and sweetness.
I am learning how to mother daughters.
I am learning how to mother multiples.
My heart overflows with joy. Most days.
So often I say that God's plans are always better than my plans. I never even thought to ask for TWO girls. Who would?
So now, excuse me, because I have a few babies who want some horsey rides!
Labels: Bigger Picture Moment, family life, God's grace, twins